February 1, 2007

Uhm… yah. That thing you’ve been reading about my old hometown of Boston and the Adult Swim bomb mistake. Sorry about that. I really am. Apparently we’ve lost our sense of humor, taking Light-Brite ghosts fliping the bird a bit too seriously these days. My favorite was Mayor Mumbles quote, “I received a call… about a suspicious bomb in Sullivan Square…” Suspicious bomb? What bomb in a city isn’t suspicious? I mean, it’s a good thing no one jumped to conclusions… clearly it was a bomb, and a bomb in a city is certainly suspicious. Oh, wait, you mean it was a Light-Brite? Huh. Man, and I thought we were cool. Good thing I moved out of that place — next they might’ve mistaken Hayes for a terrorist.

December 7, 2006

One of the great things (out of many, many great things) about having a child who’s learning the language is rediscovering how fun words are. Pineapple is a good example. Say it out-loud: “Pineapple!” Gotta admit, it’s fun to say. It also happens to be one of Hayes’s favorites. And can you blame him?

I mean, he likes to talk about apples (another fun word) and he enjoys saying “pine cone.” So imagine his joy when he found out that he could say “Pineapple.” And so what if that’s what he calls the Christmas tree? I mean, it’s more fun to say than Christmas tree, which incidentally he can also say.

It also makes for great conversation:

Hayes: “Wanna see pineapple! Wanna see pineapple! Wanna see pineapple, please!”

Bystander: “For godsake someone give that child a pineapple.”

Me: “Uh.. he just wants to see the Christmas tree.”

Hayes: “Wanna see lights on the pineapple too!”

So, I’ve been struggling about whether we actually just start calling the Christmas tree a pineapple. I mean, it’s fun to say, right? And the Christmas tree has been in need of a makeover for some time. How else can you explain those stupid upside down Christmas trees you hang from the ceiling?

December 6, 2006

OPEN APPEAL LETTER:

To whom it may concern:

I am contesting my ticket ###### from officer NAME, badge number #### for taking a left hand turn at approximately 8am despite a sign excluding left hand turns between 7am and 9am. I am contesting it for the following reasons:
1. I live in the neighborhood for which that sign was erected to protect.
2. A verbal warning would have sufficed, instead of a $50 traffic violation.
3. A traffic violation causes unnecessary financial harm via increased insurance premiums over the next 6 years for a violation that posed a danger to no one.

Please let me explain my logic point by point:
1. I live in the neighborhood for which that sign was erected to protect.
From what I understand, exclusion signs are erected for one of two reasons: One, to prohibit unsafe turns against traffic during rush hour times. Or, two, to protect the neighborhood from the adverse effects of traffic during rush hour times. I believe the sign was erected for the latter reason, and until today, as a resident of the neighborhood it was designed to protect, I was thankful that there was protection in place to stop the speeders on Beechmont.

The reasons I believe the sign was not erected for unsafe turns is because there is plenty of space for cars to pass on the right of a vehicle trying to take a left hand turn, the traffic is relatively light on Pleasant St (the street that must be crossed) when compared to night-time rush hour (for which there is no exclusion) and the next available left hand turn to get into my neighborhood is on Park Ave and requires crossing two lanes of traffic at a light without a left-hand arrow — a much more risky proposition.

2. A verbal warning would have sufficed, instead of a $50 traffic violation.
As a resident of the neighborhood and the father of a young child, I always drive below posted speed limits in my neighborhood (and other neighborhoods, for that matter) and am on the look out for children. I would never knowingly break a law in my neighborhood or elsewhere. When I was pulled over by officer NAME I was nonplused. I had no idea why I had been pulled over, having only made the turn at nights prior to December 6, 2006 and had discounted the sign as one to which I would likely never need to know, since my travels in Worcester in the AM have not taken me in that direction until December 6. Clearly, I now know that the sign is there and enforced. With that knowledge, I will never take that turn again. That point could have been just as easily made with just a verbal warning.

3. A traffic violation causes unnecessary financial harm via increased insurance premiums over the next 6 years for a violation that posed a danger to no one.
The punishment does not fit the crime. Since this ticket is for a traffic violation, it will be on my insurance for 6 years to come and will result in over a $1000 of increased premiums. This is excessive, taking into account the argument as outlined above. I crossed the street in the face of no oncoming traffic without endangering anyone. As a result will have to pay a ticket 20x over in my insurance premiums? Again, a warning would have provided the same information and change in behavior without the financial harm.

Since there was no one coming the other way when I made the turn, and the sign was erected to protect the residents of the neighborhood of which I am a resident, I believe the ticket is without warrant. As I result, I kindly ask you to dismiss the ticket ######. Thank you in advance for your consideration.

Best Regards,
Eric Sagalyn

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Comments, suggestions, indignation welcome.

November 15, 2006

As we’d say here around boston, I’m a “winnah” of the New Yorker caption contest. Oh, and for those who are interested in the secret goings-ons behind the scenes in the dog-eat-dog world of New Yorker cartoon captioning contests, I present to you, a run on sent…uhm… my tell all!

Here’s how it all went down:

On the Friday before publication, I received a call from Zack, the non-enthusiastic maybe-intern at the New Yorker. I was at lunch, so he left me a message informing me I had been selected a finalist and that my caption would appear in next week’s issue. He explained that I needed to provide to him my address to confirm I am who I am (or… I was who I was, not sure of tense here.) I returned the call, and he returned the non-enthusiasm.

On Thursday I received my issue of the New Yorker. I was the on back cover along with two equally awesome captions. I had indeed won. I was very happy. I revved up the constituents, and alerted all of you on Monday to vote for me. One of the contestants, Steve, googled me and found my site. He posted a funny comment.

Craziness ensued.

My dad found out he was a lawyer and from California, so being my wine-nut dad, and also far too excited (that’s where I got it from — the excitement — I swear), he bet Steve a bottle of Pinot Noir I would win. No joke, he specifically bet Pinot Noir.

The contest closed on that Sunday. All who voted for me, my dearest thanks!

Then, nothing happened. After that, nothing. for 1 week, nothing. I knew on Monday they had to announce something. Someone had to win, right? I couldn’t sleep on Sunday night — I was too excited. I am a nerd. I forced myself out of bed at 6:30AM (before Hayes!) and went to the bathroom to check the computer. I have a computer in the bathroom. Again, I am a nerd. My dad called about 6:37 to congratulate me. Apparently, he had to be talked out of calling me at 5:45AM by my mother. He is a nerd.

And… well, that’s it. I have yet to receive my signed framed copy of the above, but I’m sure it’s coming.

Pretty cool, huh?

October 30, 2006

It was an exciting weekend all around. A second poop on the potty for Hayes, my sister getting engaged(!) and me finding out that I am a finalist for this weeks’s caption contest at the New Yorker. Yes, I am climbing ever higher on the wrungs to complete yupiness. I understand. But really, this has been a dream of mine since… well, since they started doing it.

Anyway, please head on over to the New Yorker and vote for me! If I win, I get a signed copy of the cartoon (drawn by Harry Bliss) with my caption on it. Please, help make my climb complete. Vote now!

October 26, 2006

Hayes is starting to show his imagination. It started about August when he bit a peice of cheese into roughly the shape of a bus — or the equivelent for a 18 months 0ld — and announced, much to our surpise, that it was a bus. He proceeded to make car noises and drive it around the table.

His newest imagination created playmate was a robot. It was the first time I had ever heard him say “robot.” This time it was a peice of asparagus. At dinner, he picked it up — he had never had it before — called it a bean, taste tested it and put it back down. He then grabbed it by the mid point, so that it fell around his fingers to roughly resemble legs, held it do that each end was touching the table and exclaimed, “robot, dance!”

He then flopped the asparagus robot about the table humming a tune.

This is awesome. I really didn’t expect much in the way of an imagination from a 21 month old. But, never-the-less, here it is. And, better still, it’s another thing we have in common.