I’ve got to say, one of the drivers of wanting to move to the burbs is the complete lack of manners here in Boston. I’m not talking about the hold the fork right, turn your fork and spoon to 4 o’clock when you’re done type of manners, nope, I’m talking about the “will someone please hold the door for the freakin’ guy with the stroller” type.
Why is it so difficult to see that I could use a little help with doors? And, for once, this is not me calling the kettle black. No, I’m the guy who sees that you need could use someone to hold the door and comes racing from behind you to get it.
So why are the manners better in the burbs? Well, they aren’t that much better. Afterall, I can’t got see a movie in my hometown without the ass behind me talking through the whole thing. But for some reason more people hold the doors. And say thank you. And don’t act so entitled that they don’t even notice that you’ve been holding the door as they slowly approach and then they glare at you as they enter like you’re a paid doorman instead of simply saying “thank you.”
And what is it with getting mad at me when I show some manners? God forbid I should think the pregnant woman might need to sit down on the T (subway). I guess I really deserved a good screaming at from her.
Is it so hard? Manners, please. Just a little is all I ask.
Warren says:
June 29th, 2005 at 2:06 pm
Manners in downtown Boston? Ya kiddin’ me. I think Beantown now has one-upped NYC on the FU meter. And, well, the ‘burbs ain’t all that much better - depending on the town you’re in, you can certainly get that attitude like you are the doorman or the usher or the consierge.
I can say, however, that deep, deep, deep in the far-removed ‘burbs (NW CT) where my wife and I moved a couple of years ago (life-long Weymouth residents) - there really are manners and hospitality. Though we do miss a lot of places - Bell in Hand, JJ Foley’s (the real one, not the faux version), The Harp - hmmm, I’m noticing a pattern.
Jennifer says:
June 29th, 2005 at 2:41 pm
Greetings from the south. Manners all around here. I can’t tell you how much of a shock it was for little old GA girl to travel outside of the south to a non manners state. Here people are often kind, smile, say hello and tend to be yes sir and no sir! It’s lovely to say the least!
Madeleine says:
June 29th, 2005 at 8:33 pm
Wait, a pregnant woman screamed at you for offering her a seat? Are sure she was pregnant and not just, um, well-rounded. Cause otherwise WTF? You can’t win, can you?
Matthew says:
June 30th, 2005 at 2:12 am
I spent six years in New York City after living my entire life in a beach town in Central California. One of the first “Welcome to New York” moments I had was holding the door open for a young college woman as she approached. As she got closer, she sneered, “I don’t need you to open the door. I can do it myself.” To which I replied, “Fine.” And I slammed the door in her face. What can I say, big city rudeness is contagious. As soon as I moved away, however, my manners came rushing back. I mean, I haven’t slammed the door on anyone in years.
AJ says:
June 30th, 2005 at 3:35 am
The smaller the community, the better the manners. The person I don’t open the door for today might be at the July 4th BBQ next week. The “who cares, you’ll never see that person again” rule doesn’t apply.
The same goes for vehicular manners. Cut off a car driving home and I might just see that same car pulling into the driveway across the street.
There is always a loudmouth in the movie theatre though. Manners disappear in the dark. That issue is universal.
Cameron says:
June 30th, 2005 at 9:10 am
Manners fluctuate based on the size of the city, as AJ and others pointed out nicely. That said, manners are a surface thing. In my mind, what matters in the end is human decency and if someone has your back if something bad happens.
I know for a demonstrated fact that if something happened on my block to me, my wife or my son (nutbar, petty crime etc) I could count on at least 3 people coming out of their house/business to help me out. Another 5 or 6 would be on the phone to the police so fast that their calls would cancel each other out.
AJ says:
June 30th, 2005 at 11:28 am
Another factor is pace of life. It’s the old cliche about city life being fast, while us country bumpkins take it slow. If you can count your town’s stop lights on one hand, you’re in a place where people just aren’t rushing between point A and B. If you’re not rushing, you have time to notice people, hold doors open and generally be cordial to everyone you meet.
Climate is also a factor. A friend moved from rural California to Vermont, but only stayed a year. He found the people mean and attributed it to the cold (e.g., would you stop on the street to be polite in a snow storm?). His best example was that people would look at him like he was an alien if he said hello when entering an elevator, and small talk was out of the question.
The most telling thing for me was how the news media reported on New Yorkers putting aside their differences, sticking together and helping each other out during 9/11. Wow, acting civilized is news?
Mark says:
June 30th, 2005 at 3:42 pm
I’ve gotta think it’s also a little bit of a coastal issue too. Everyone I know from the east coast who comes out to this side of the country says people are much nicer and more relaxed on the west coast too.
Cameron says:
July 2nd, 2005 at 9:16 am
Mark, I find it’s a area of West Coast thing. SF the friendliness seems real, LA area it seemed forced.
Ang Heffner says:
July 8th, 2005 at 9:51 am
Eric,
Bravo, to you! What goes around, comes around, so you’ re due for some good stuff that you have already set in motion. I too, believe in helping…holding doors, assisting with babies, helping carry packages, saying, THANK YOU etc. Keep it up and maybe others will follow.
Who am I? I am a friend of your in-laws. Jen has always been a special person to us. Sounds like she has a good guy.