HBomb’s four weeks old. In these 4 weeks we’ve found one — and only one — solution to make Hayes uhm…. well…. not going to jinx us again. Let’s just say it’s worth a try and it has some history. I guess history is ok to get into, since it can’t really jinx us.

So we took this parenting course. Dunno why, as I’ve come to discover that it’s all well and good to pontificate about a child you don’t even know before he actually arrived as if you can find all the secrets to control said child and make him happy. I’m not bitter. Ok… well, maybe a little. Anyhow, they had a list up on the easel about how to comfort a child. One of the things our nurse added, after making a point of saying she didn’t know why and couldn’t figure out why it would work, was turning on a vacuum.

This set me off. I blurted out:

“My first word was vaccum.”

Everyone laughed.

“No. Truthfully. I’m not that clever. My first word actually was ‘vacuum'’

It also happens to be one of the few words I can actually spell.

So, as many of you know, the vacuum can work to soothe your child. Those who know me would be the first to attest that I didn’t learn the word vacuum because I like things clean. I, based on my choice of first words and according to all accounts, was the poster child for this approach. Hayes… well… not going to jinx us. Let’s just say that I decided the best way not to piss off the neighbors with constant vacuuming was to record a mp3. A virtual vacuum, so to speak.

So, for Hayes’ 4 week anniversary with us, I offer my mp3 to those parents who have pondered the ways of the vacuum. Just how long should you keep it on? Is it ruining my vacuum to run it this long? Does this mean I have to clean?

It doesn’t matter. From the response of the only child that I am allowed to experiment on, I have a solution. I present to you: VIRTUAL VACUUM! Click on the link and save the page. Throw it on your iTunes and put it on repeat. Hope it works for you as well as it works for… no… jinx… just kidding.