It happened yesterday, the moment both Jen and I had been waiting for, a complete HBomb meltdown. There’s nothing better to nail home the fact that you cannot logically reason with a newborn/infant like a meltdown. Oh, and the timing couldn’t have been more aprapos, as it it began as we were watching 24 (there are impending nuclear meltdowns in the plot) on our DVR.
But really, it began around 3 when I got home from work. HBomb had been sleeping for 15 minutes, which made a grand total of 3 hours in the last 12. He woke up and began to get his cry on. We were able to calm him down with some vintage formula and he started the closing the eye thing. He kinda drifted in and out of sleep while Jen made dinner — a delicious chicken breast in a leek cream sauce — and was pretty calm.
At about 5:45 I set HBomb down in the bassinet to free up my hands for dinner. Jen and I decided that if he continued to sleep until 6 we would start 24. Now the beauty of the DVR is that you can stop, pause, restart and see where you are in the program, so after 11 minutes, according to the DVR, HBomb’s condition went from sleep to fussy. Jen grabbed him so I could quickly scarf down some chicken, and then we did the hand-off. We gave him the bottle in hopes of calming him, but his condition quickly escalated to critical.
Condition Critical.
After about 45 minutes of subdued crying and 15 minutes of crazy infant bawling, Jen dialed the magic number of the pediatrician fairy. Surely, this was not normal. The person on the other end told us that someone would call and we should take his temperature. There has got to be a better way to take an infants temperature than sticking a thermometer up his ass. There just has to be. We read the thermometer literature and it assured us that we could put it under his arm. Sounded better than option one. Under arm it went. 97.8 degrees. Normal. Ok, so that wasn’t a problem. HBombs inconsolable crying, on the other hand, was.
The phone rang. It was a doctor or nurse or nurse practitioneror doctor nurse or something returning Jen call. Jen explained the situation to the whoever. Hayes hadn’t been sleeping, was incolsolable, wouldn’t eat, etc.. The nurse-whatever said Jen sounded tired and the best thing to do was to — GET THIS — involve her husband so Jen could get some rest. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I guess she was going to have to get me off the couch with my Bud Light and nachos and tear me away from the Celtics to make me help her. Yup. Right. I can’t possible be the only man in the Boston area that this woman has heard of who is taking an active part in his child’s life. From reading other daddy blogs and Metrodad’s post yesterday, I know I’m not the only caring father out there. I mean COME ON!
Jen explained to her in no uncertain terms that I was, infact, totally involved and was actually holding our child as she was on the phone. Further, she explained, we both were really tired. The doctor practitioner was calm, even after clearly insulting us, and gave Jen some advice — try to calm him down, feed him and then get him straight to bed. (Marge:”Ok Homer, you’re over stimulated, let’s get some beer in you and get you straight to bed.” Homer: “Beer! Beer! Beer! Bed! Bed! Bed!”) It worked.
At 8:15 HBomb was sleeping soundly in his bassinet in our bedroom and we ventured out to the living area to finish up our wine and 24.
I was the first one up for his feeding at 11:30. He was back asleep at 12. Back asleep! Take that, lack of confidence (see post below). Jen, on the other hand was not as lucky. She was up for the second feeding, and by virtue of being wide awake when he was in need of a third at 4AM, she was up for that too. It was a brutal twist of fate.
Condition Critical.
HBomb blew up again. This time it was almost immediate. Jen left the room to change him, returned and he was on high-volume, red-faced wailing. It took her more than an hour to settle him back down and get him to bed, but Jen was wired.
Which led to this morning. 6:15, HBomb is making sleep noises including crying, yelping and chirping. I wake up and begin to get out of bed. He stops. 6:30, HBomb is making sleep noises including crying, yelping and chirping. 6:45, well, you get the point. At one point I actually woke up thinking I was crying, only to realize it was HBomb sleep crying.
At 7:30 I roll out of bed to hit the shower and get ready for work. Didn’t last. As I’m turning the shower on, the wailing begins in earnest. I bolt out of our bathroom to Jen partially out of bed, trying to jiggle the Bugaboo to get him back to sleep. Ain’t working. She mumbles something about her taking care of it. I take a quick look at her and decide that, based on the fact that it looks like she lost a 15 round bare knuckle boxing match only to be hit by a bus as she crossed the street to get home, she needed more sleep.
So… here I am, 2 minutes before 9, unshowered, at work and finishing up cup-o-coffee #3. If I didn’t love the Bomb so and he wasn’t so damn cute, I might… just might… try to put him back. At this point, I’m not sure Jen would complain.
Cathleen Barstow says:
February 9th, 2005 at 11:42 am
Oh Jennifer & Eric,
How I wish I could magically grant you a good nights sleep!!! The first month is an especially hard one, as you are experiencing. Hayes is only a couple of weeks old and the 3 of you are still getting to know each other. But wouldn’t it be much more fun getting to know each other on a full-nights sleep!?!
I went back & read my journal from Jared’s first month, and about learning to distinguish his cries. There was the “hungry cry”, “wet diaper cry”, “change my position cry” and “I’m fighting going to sleep cry” which usually happened around 8pm. It took us a while to figure out the difference between these cries. Give yourselves time, you’ll figure it out.
Also, for a while in the beginning we were starting our day at around 4:30am (in addition to many night wakings of course). Jared was waking up at that time, both because he was hungry, and also I think because that is when dawn was). So I would feed him & then doze with him on the couch until a more reasonable hour (8 or 9 am).
Obviously you guys know we are attachment parenting/ Dr. Sears devotees…which I know is not everyone’s cup-of-tea, but it has been right for us. I think Dr. Sears has a great explanation for this time in the baby’s life, which may help in the especially stressful moments: In the womb baby fits “perfectly into his environment. Perhaps there will never be another home in which he fits so harmoniously – a free-floating environment where the temperature is constant and his nutritional needs are automatically and predictably met. The womb environment is well organized. These babies miss the womb.” The womb seems like a pretty groovy place - no wonder babies miss it!!!
“Birth suddenly disrupts this organization. During the month following birth, baby tries to regain his sense of organization and fit into life outside the womb. Birth and adaptation to postnatal life bring out the temperament of the baby, so for the first time he must do something to have his needs met.”
Also, may I suggest perhaps trying a partially digested formula – something like Nutramigen? Hayes seems like he has a lot of gas, and may have an easier time digesting a formula like Nutramigen where the milk proteins are broken down vs. a regular milk-based formula which can be harder for some babies to tolerate (since babies digestive systems are not fully developed at this stage).
-Blue says:
February 9th, 2005 at 11:52 am
Hey! I’ve wandered over from MetroDad and now have to leave unsolicited advice. *snort*
Seriously, my worked-best method was: loading Mylicon and swaddling quite tightly! Either or both worked wonders with my crabby newborns (I’m on my 4th now and haven’t permanently damaged one yet)
Good luck! I can empathize!
-Blue
Genuine says:
February 9th, 2005 at 11:54 am
I don’t know how, but somehow you manage and things begin to take on a routine. Oh yeah and alcohol helps…no for you silly. Although I have thought of getting the kid drunk so he would pass out and sleep for more than just a few hours at a time.
Just remember to let your wife know she is a champ! Cheer her on and it will pay back dividends!
mrscrumley says:
February 9th, 2005 at 12:43 pm
I have never said this outloud to parents I didn’t know, but here it is… Our baby sleeps on his tummy. He used to cry and cry and cry and then one day (Halloween, now that I think about it), my husband went into his room, picked the baby up, flipped him over, and he went right to sleep. I was at first mortified that he would even do that, but it soon became clear that our child was a tummy sleeper.
That first month is hard and if it wasn’t for how my husband helped me, well, things could be very different right now.
And, I have to say, that you are an awesome Dad with how involved you are. That nurse person should have apologized for assuming you weren’t helping. Shame, shame.
Cameron says:
February 10th, 2005 at 8:24 am
Ok, we use the underarm temp technique as well, what the books don’t tell you is that it is off by about 2 degrees, so anything above 37.5 in the underarm is a fever. You can (should, please) check and make sure that I’m right but this is what the nurse at the CSLC (umm.. centre de santé umm. community health clinic)
Universal Hub says:
February 11th, 2005 at 12:19 pm
Modern fatherhood
Eric is the proud father of a newborn. A newborn who just isn’t going to sleep:
…The phone rang. It was a doctor or nurse or nurse practitioner or doctor nurse or something returnin
Daddy Types says:
February 11th, 2005 at 7:14 pm
Meltdown: Can I Get A Second Opinion?
We join Eric and Jen in the middle of 3-week-old Hayes’s (aka the HBomb) first official meltdown:The phone rang. It was a doctor or nurse or nurse practitioner or doctor nurse or something returning Jen’s call. Jen explained the situation to the whoe…
John says:
February 14th, 2005 at 9:02 am
I feel your pain! Until my little darling was 4 months old, her favorite time to be awake was midnight to 5am, every night, usually fussy for most of that time. Then, on the advice of our doctor, we tried letting her “cry it out” in her crib, and within a week, she was sleeping 12-15 hours STRAIGHT every night. It was a miracle!
Best of luck…
george lithco says:
February 15th, 2005 at 12:20 am
We had a similar experience with our son last year (there’s an estimate that 20% of babies have “colic”). I encourage you to try the Karp (The Happiest Baby) technique: it worked really well for us. There’s a pretty good article explaining how and why at http://www.jg-tc.com/articles/2005/01/24/features/feat58.txt
Also - please be sure that anyone who cares for your child realizes the danger of shaking an infant (or any child up to 5 years of age). Incessant crying is the most likely trigger for a shaking incident - and no one is immune from those feelings of frustration and anger when you’re dead-tired and can’t get the baby to sleep. Make sure every caregiver has committed to a simple coping plan: when in doubt, put the baby down and walk it out.
The good news is that these days will seem like a blur next year….
3 mo. old Hallie's mom says:
February 15th, 2005 at 1:19 am
Dr. Karp and Dr. Sears continue to be a great helps for us- and Karp comes in DVD form for those of us with baby brain.
Universal Hub says:
February 16th, 2005 at 3:09 pm
Globe column, 2/20/05
Welcome City Weekly readers! Here are the links to the complete postings cited in the Feb. 20 issue:Interview with a panhandler - from Civilities
Temp Full Time Part says:
March 4th, 2008 at 10:46 am
How to Double Your Sales Appointments in Half the Time; Part 1
Sales organizations live by growth. And Sales Growth is measured by sales revenue. If you want to know how to increase sales revenue…there are only three ways to do it.